


Big, Green and Fuzzy

by AnonEhouse



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gay Bar, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:17:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a battle, the Hulk winds up in a gay bar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big, Green and Fuzzy

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"All right, how did we lose a seven foot tall pistachio green man in the East Village?" Tony hovered for a moment and then landed with a thump on top of the Mole Man's latest subterranean borer. Presumably it was to avoid sunlight that he'd brought up his dim-sighted troops in the middle of the night. "He left to go smash something two hours ago. Clint was supposed to keep an eye on him."

"Green doesn't show up that well at one a.m." Clint replied while retrieving salvageable arrows. 

Natasha drop-kicked the last of the Mole Man's underground allies down the sloping pit leading back to their city and sighed. "I had plans for this evening."

"As did I," Thor said irritably shaking rubble out of his cape. 

"Inconsiderate villains are inconsiderate." Clint shot a rope-bearing arrow into the framework of the borer, and tied the gagged and squirming Mole Man to it. "SHIELD is on its way to collect the trash."

Steve tapped his comm-unit and tried again, "Hulk, report your location."

Hulk's comm was on a necklace Tony had made, and it usually withstood battle, but Hulk didn't always bother to answer it. This time he did. "Hulk is Nowhere. Hulk likes Nowhere. Hulk STAYS."

Steve sighed. 

Clint shrugged. "Where does a thousand pound Hulk stay?"

Tony replied, "Anywhere he wants. But seriously, there's a locator in his comm. Jarvis can tell us the location, we go there and collect our big, green caterpillar before he turns into our Bruce butterfly and flits away."

 

The Avengers tromped through the East Village, smiling tiredly at the few people who hadn't anything better to do at that hour than gawk. Most New Yorkers had become accustomed to them so they weren't stopped for autographs or photos along the way.

"Huh," Tony said when they arrived at 322 E. 14th Street. He looked at the sign above the door on the brick building. "Here we are at 'Nowhere'."

Steve frowned. "A nightclub? Are you sure Hulk is in there? I don't hear any _smash_."

"It's too quiet, Kemosabe?" Clint offered.

"I saw the movie, I got that reference," Steve said happily. "Oh. We'd better see what the damage is."

Thor pushed open the door, releasing a blast of music, and a babble of voices. There were lights. There were a lot of people, some of whom weren't dressed according to conventional gender standards, and many of whom were dancing, usually with a partner of the same sex. Thor beamed. "A DRINKING HALL! Hulk has found a warrior's reward!" Thor dove through the crowd, which parted for him, but not without many admiring glances.

"Oh, man, you are one awesome Bear," one of the patrons said to Thor.

"Thank you, but I am no longer a berserker," Thor replied politely, while following his nose to the casks of ale. "My father taught me the error of my ways."

"Pity," the man said.

Natasha smiled and stalked into the bar, and immediately was surrounded by admiring women, and not a few men. "Darling, what a wonderful catsuit. And you wear it so well," a woman in black leather complimented her.

"Thank you," Natasha replied. "Would you care to dance?"

"I'd love it."

It was difficult to see through the crowd but Hulk's head was hard to miss. He was swaying in time to the music, with several people held in each of his arms. He was wearing a red cowboy hat perched precariously on his head. "Well," Steve said, "this is... good. I guess."

"This is great!" Clint shouted from across the room, having sneaked over there like a spy-assassin, which was good practice for maneuvering through a happy, well lubricated, crowd dancing and drinking. "They have a pool table!"

Tony let his armor retract and stepped from it, leaving it as a statue on the doorstep. "Stay; good boy," Tony said, patting the armor on the shoulder and looking around with a grin. "I haven't been in a good gay bar in ages. C'mon, Steve, I'll buy you a beer."

"It's one a.m., Tony."

"Beer can't tell time, Steve." Tony grabbed Steve's arm and tugged him into the crowd. 

"That doesn't make any sense," Steve complained, but he moved as directed, until they were at the bar, and Tony was shouting his order.

Tony leaned back against the bar, grinning as he watched Hulk lean over for kisses. Hulk was beaming and even had a green blush going on. "Nice place," Tony said. "Friendly."

Steve got his beer and had a sip. "Don't buy it, Tony."

"It might be cheaper in the long run," Tony said. Hulk was drinking a schooner of beer, and surrounded by a whole flotilla of empties. Empty bowls and baskets of bar snacks teetered like towers alongside them.

A big man shouted, "What's big and green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls out of a tree?" 

Hulk frowned.

"A pool table," the man said and patted Hulk on the arm. 

Hulk scrunched up his face a moment, and then burst out laughing. Several people nearby fell over, and got up giggling.

Tony raised his glass of whiskey and tapped it against Steve's beer. "To interesting times."

Steve looked around at the Avengers and the cheerful crowd. He smiled. "Yeah." He raised his glass. "Cheers."

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [AvengerKink prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/17385.html?thread=39787241#t39787241)
> 
>  
> 
> _Just because i was re-reading a prompt from round one where the Avengers were in a gay bar post mission and Tony idly mentioned "Hulk in a gay bar."_
> 
>  
> 
> _So yeah, Bruce hasn't reverted from his Hulk form yet and wanders off in search of something fun or a drink, and winds up in a gay bar, he's still there a couple of hours later when the Avengers finally find him, surrounded by the rest of the bars patrons who're all having a D'aww moment, because when he's not smashing things the hulk is adorable._
> 
>  
> 
> _Just happy fluff please._


End file.
